The question then becomes why am I content to leave talents and abilities beneath the clouds of my mind?
Why do I not take them out to play? Have I chosen the serious over the humourous in life? Am I that driven?
I can tell you why in four letters: F E A R
Fear slams the lid on fun. Back to the Belief Structures, the acronym of which is - you guessed it – B. S.
I believe that based on the reputation that I have created, I do not want to appear ... well silly.
I want to be ‘in control’ and to look as if I am doing exactly what I ‘should’ be doing. That B.S. came from my childhood when the sting of humiliation from the laughter of others at what I felt was my expense crept into my very soul.
Not something that I want to feel again – so I make every effort, unconscious or otherwise, to lessen the probability.
By shutting down; but reducing myself, but not allowing play to be an integral part of my life.
Again with the why – so my tombstone can read – Jen Parkinson Dead Serious ? J
Drop the charade.