Humiliation Eh?
The emergence of my own awareness has allowed me retrospection of past events that induced my feelings of embarrassment or humiliation – that feeling of being ‘less than’.
The fact that such feeling can trigger physical response of flushed face, quaking nervous system and the sweat factor is evidence of just how much I allowed it to affect me and how it made my feelings tangible.
The fact is that I judged and reduced myself because of someone else’s judgment of me.
Well – what is up with that?
In its very simplicity I willingly gave my power to someone else. I allowed their perspective of me in that moment, affect who I was. And I altered myself based on that.
As a human, I always seemed to be striving to be someone for some one else, to act accordingly and be validated and well, liked by others – even though, it may not have been who I wanted or knew myself to be.
That concept, that response, that action drained my Power supply.
Or so it seemed.
The remedy, the healing, the restored Power comes from one source and only one source.
Me.
How?
Via a simple choice to shift a belief structure that I must adapt to the judgment of others - to one of knowing that who I am in any moment is O.K.
Monday, March 12, 2012
Monday, March 5, 2012
The Question
The question then becomes why am I content to leave talents and abilities beneath the clouds of my mind?
Why do I not take them out to play? Have I chosen the serious over the humourous in life? Am I that driven?
I can tell you why in four letters: F E A R
Fear slams the lid on fun. Back to the Belief Structures, the acronym of which is - you guessed it – B. S.
I believe that based on the reputation that I have created, I do not want to appear ... well silly.
I want to be ‘in control’ and to look as if I am doing exactly what I ‘should’ be doing. That B.S. came from my childhood when the sting of humiliation from the laughter of others at what I felt was my expense crept into my very soul.
Not something that I want to feel again – so I make every effort, unconscious or otherwise, to lessen the probability.
How?
By shutting down; but reducing myself, but not allowing play to be an integral part of my life.
Again with the why – so my tombstone can read – Jen Parkinson Dead Serious ? J
Drop the charade.
Encourage.
Experience.
Enjoy.
Expand.
The question then becomes why am I content to leave talents and abilities beneath the clouds of my mind?
Why do I not take them out to play? Have I chosen the serious over the humourous in life? Am I that driven?
I can tell you why in four letters: F E A R
Fear slams the lid on fun. Back to the Belief Structures, the acronym of which is - you guessed it – B. S.
I believe that based on the reputation that I have created, I do not want to appear ... well silly.
I want to be ‘in control’ and to look as if I am doing exactly what I ‘should’ be doing. That B.S. came from my childhood when the sting of humiliation from the laughter of others at what I felt was my expense crept into my very soul.
Not something that I want to feel again – so I make every effort, unconscious or otherwise, to lessen the probability.
How?
By shutting down; but reducing myself, but not allowing play to be an integral part of my life.
Again with the why – so my tombstone can read – Jen Parkinson Dead Serious ? J
Drop the charade.
Encourage.
Experience.
Enjoy.
Expand.
Monday, February 20, 2012
The Sun.
It’s very appearance first thing in the morning is an awesome event. Every day that it "horizes" from the East, I feel its warmth – not just physically - I feel it emotionally, mentally and spiritually.
I miss it when it is not there; however, its absence is an illusion evident whenever the clouds dissipate.
Ability and talent is like that.
That they are ‘unknown’ or not visible, presents to me the notion that I am not able or capable of performing them.
As awareness ( that is my Sun ) emerges from the cloud cover of my mind, I tend to believe that anything is indeed ... possible.
Take the piano for instance. It takes one finger on any key to play it and as I choose others and even combine a few, the tones, the vibrations, my choices, expand the ‘music’.
How it sounds – that is mere judgment.
The fact is that I am playing. The music is there. It requires only my fingers to enliven it.
Hidden talents?
Much like the sun, they remain there until the unknown becomes known.
And choice is the activation fee.
It’s very appearance first thing in the morning is an awesome event. Every day that it "horizes" from the East, I feel its warmth – not just physically - I feel it emotionally, mentally and spiritually.
I miss it when it is not there; however, its absence is an illusion evident whenever the clouds dissipate.
Ability and talent is like that.
That they are ‘unknown’ or not visible, presents to me the notion that I am not able or capable of performing them.
As awareness ( that is my Sun ) emerges from the cloud cover of my mind, I tend to believe that anything is indeed ... possible.
Take the piano for instance. It takes one finger on any key to play it and as I choose others and even combine a few, the tones, the vibrations, my choices, expand the ‘music’.
How it sounds – that is mere judgment.
The fact is that I am playing. The music is there. It requires only my fingers to enliven it.
Hidden talents?
Much like the sun, they remain there until the unknown becomes known.
And choice is the activation fee.
Monday, February 6, 2012
WHAT DO I BELIEVE?
"Just remember, it's not a lie if you believe it."
(George Costanza in Seinfeld's, "The Beard")
Seinfeld. There were so many subtle nudges in that sitcom that ring so true in real life.
Where I am at this particular moment has been reached by all of the choices that I have made or not made in this life, based on my foundation of belief structures – what I BELEIVE to be the truth about myself and my existence around me.
Free choice and free will allow for change to take place – however, as I choose based on the same belief structures, I wind up right back here, where I started. (I know. I’ve done it and more than once).
Ah HA ! So that is what the ‘circle of life’ is – at least in my world.
Why does this happen to me?
Minimal Mind Change.
That is what I call it.
Choices filtered through my current beliefs lead to mere cyclical movement. Oh, my mind can convince me that I have in fact changed, moved forward - but the result of my choices proves otherwise and usually, very quickly.
Insanity was brilliantly defined by Albert Einstein as ‘doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.’
My hypothesis is that when I choose to change an actual belief structure that choice creates an opportunity to change.
This is my time – my time to discover my beliefs, sift through them and release ones that no longer benefit me. And to choose ones that do!
Care to join me?
Stay tuned : )
"Just remember, it's not a lie if you believe it."
(George Costanza in Seinfeld's, "The Beard")
Seinfeld. There were so many subtle nudges in that sitcom that ring so true in real life.
Where I am at this particular moment has been reached by all of the choices that I have made or not made in this life, based on my foundation of belief structures – what I BELEIVE to be the truth about myself and my existence around me.
Free choice and free will allow for change to take place – however, as I choose based on the same belief structures, I wind up right back here, where I started. (I know. I’ve done it and more than once).
Ah HA ! So that is what the ‘circle of life’ is – at least in my world.
Why does this happen to me?
Minimal Mind Change.
That is what I call it.
Choices filtered through my current beliefs lead to mere cyclical movement. Oh, my mind can convince me that I have in fact changed, moved forward - but the result of my choices proves otherwise and usually, very quickly.
Insanity was brilliantly defined by Albert Einstein as ‘doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.’
My hypothesis is that when I choose to change an actual belief structure that choice creates an opportunity to change.
This is my time – my time to discover my beliefs, sift through them and release ones that no longer benefit me. And to choose ones that do!
Care to join me?
Stay tuned : )
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